Relationships and Privilege: The Jenny Story

A heads up that this blog post is a bit “heavier” than some of my others, so how about a fun fact to lighten the mood first?
Did you know: In Cameroon, oranges are actually green!!! How’s that for a misnomer??

--

During my first month in Kribi, I was waiting on the road in attempts to catch a moto-taxi. Since where I live is a bit out of town, my attempts were proving unsuccessful as every passing moto seemed to already have a passenger or cargo (you should see the things people carry on motos! Mattresses, animals, you name it….). As there was another woman next to me, I struck up a conversation. Within five minutes my new friend, Jenny, had called her boyfriend (Phillippe), and I found myself on the back of his moto, heading into town with the two of them. While this was mighty convenient and I should have been stoked to finally have hitched a ride, in all honesty, I was mostly worried.

 

The thing is, every time I meet people I am never genuinely sure if they want to be friends with me because they genuinely like me, or if they see me as a ‘cash cow’ of sorts. This is hard, because even though I don’t make much money as a volunteer, I am still better off than so many Cameroonians. And I am not just privileged money-wise, but also education-wise and even language-wise since as an Anglophone, I speak arguably the most universally dominant language these days. Therefore, the whole time I was on the moto with Jenny and Phillippe, I was thinking “Crap- this is going to cost me a fortune”.

 

After visiting their friend’s stall at the market, taking a small tour of town, and stopping at the bakery for some beignets (obviously), we returned home. Upon hopping off the moto I asked “Combien coûte?”, to which Jenny replied “nothing”. After expressing my intense gratitude, I invited Jenny and Phillippe to join me for a drink later in thanks. I was elated to have my faith restored in humanity, scolding myself for having thought the worst in people, and relieved I had at least bought them beignets when at the bakery.

 

I continued to hang out with Jenny and Phillippe throughout the month of August: sunshiney days at the hotel Jenny works at; beach combing for shells the size of your hand; soccer in the sand; meals chez-moi etc. After my couple weeks away in the field workshoppin’, I invited Jenny over for breakfast.  After a lovely “brunch” (punctuality is an underrated trait here), Jenny turned to me and asked me to borrow money for moto fare. Up until this point, Jenny had never asked me for money, and in all fairness moto fare is peanuts, around maybe 50 cents Canadian. I asked where she was headed (since we are neighbours, the moto-fare was not necessary for getting home), and gave the appropriate amount for the fare. Jenny then replied she needed more for a return fare as well. Following this awkward exchange, she then hitched a free ride with my neighbour who lives next door and offered her a ride.

 

For days following this exchange, I felt really uncomfortable. I generally have always preferred to give gifts over money, and wasn’t sure if this meant Jenny viewed our friendship differently than I did.  After some discussions with other volunteers I was told that this event actually meant Jenny was comfortable around me and was equivalent for someone back home asking you to go for coffee. While I was contemplating this, Phillippe dropped by my place to give me a jacket belonging to Jenny she wanted to give me.  I tried to accept the jacket as graciously as possible (since it is rude to turn down gifts) while feeling like the worst person ever as I know Jenny could use and likely needs the jacket far more than I do.

 

All of this is to demonstrate some of the struggles I have had meeting people in Kribi. To give another example, today while walking, a man yelled at me “La blanche…. Hello… I love you!!”. This person was obviously not in love with me, but was more interested in me because of my colour of my skin. Not my winning personality or sense of humour (clearly his loss!). But my skin colour is not always an advantage- during my stint without water in August, I paid my neighbor for use of his well. He blatantly charged me double what my Cameroonian colleague paid and had no qualms doing so.

 

SO my question is- how do you build lasting friendships when there is such an imbalance in money, privilege and/or power?  And while still thinking the best in people but not getting taken advantage of? After three months in Cameroon, this is still a work in progress for me….

 

Thoughts???

 

A la prochain! I promise my next blog post will be mostly pictures to make up for the lack in this one.

 

Much love!

- C